Santa Claus is a Damn Bigot

Yeah, I said it.

You're a dick, fat man...

Tonight is the annual showing of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" on CBS.  It's a holiday tradition, right up there with decorating the tree and a hangover on December 26th (or is that just me?).  However, as I have gotten older, and more importantly, since I have had kids, I have realized that Rudolph is not just a holiday classic.  It's also bigoted, mean-spirited, and a little misogynistic.  And you know who the ringleader of all this hate-mongering is?  None other than good ol' St. Nick - Kris Kringle.

Hear me out - Rudolph is born, and Santa comes to visit his lead reindeer Donner and his lovely wife and new mother.  He then chastises Donner for having a freak of a baby, and tells him (Donner) that he should be ashamed of himself.

Can you imagine?  All you parents - think about it.  You've just had your first baby.  You're ecstatic, you're overjoyed, you're in love with your new baby.  Then an allegedly jolly fat man (who is also your boss) strolls in, says "you're baby is deformed and it's all your fault" and leaves.  Thanks a pantload, Chet...

Then, when Rudolph (who is the best flier in his class, mind you) is revealed to have a red nose, he is shunned by Comet and the other yearlings from playing in the reindeer games.  Don't you think Santa, who allegedly loves all things, should've stepped in here?  Maybe said "I don't give a crap if he's got a red nose or five legs - that bastard can f'ing fly!"?

Then we see more of Santa's a-hole side when the elves are practicing their song for him - he's looking at his watch, then tells the lead elf that...well, they suck.  Have you ever been talking to someone who's busy texting or looking at their phone, then just walks away?  That's Santa.

Finally, after Rudolph comes home with his buddies Hermey and Yukon Corneilus (my favorite character), Santa realizes that he NEEDS Rudolph and asks the red-nosed one to help him out.  He barely even apologizes - but when he needs some assistance, he comes and asks for a favor.  Santa would make a great politician.

So - yeah, Santa's a jerk.  That doesn't mean I won't be watching tonight, though.